question

WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME, WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN?

MY INNERMOST THOUGTHS

if only I could melt your heart

Dancing Diva (Toronto)

Here I am just about to perform yet another dance, in Toronto, from the infamous Indian movie, Umrao Jaan, titled, "Dil Cheez Kya Hai." This show, I do remember well, because there was actually nothing very special about it. Same people. Same crowd. Same hall. I wanted more ...

I also remember my parents being exceptionally proud after this show, more so than any other one. I think because by this point, life and (everyone who saw me perform) had convinced them that their daughter was talented. Perhaps, like many parents though, they questioned their own convictions, as they did very little to support my acting career during this period of my life.

I often feel ... what if ... what if I had enrolled in a high school the focused primarily on arts? What if I had more encouraging roles models in my life? What if I had been given the opportunity to explore my creativity at early age? Where would I be now?

And then I come to the conclusion that I wouldn't be here ... and "here" I wouldn't trade for the world.

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

so many apologies and only this lifetime

question

SINCE WHEN DID AGGRESSION BECOME A EUPHEMISM FOR A WOMAN'S INTELLIGENCE?

Dancing Diva (London)

Here is a picture of me just before my dance performance of, "Thare Rahiyo," from the movie, Pakeezah, in London, England.

I actually don't remember much of this show except that I was extrememly nervous. There was a huge crowd that night and I remember that as I danced, my eyes kept searching through the audience in hopes of catching a glimpse of Tarik - my boyfriend at that time ... but I couldn't find him.

Once the show had wrapped, as I was leaving with my parents, Tarik drove up in the parking lot. Desperate to get my attention, he asked my parents for the time, but never said word to me. We glanced at one another and then I had no choice but to get in my car.

All the way home, I remember that I was so hurt. I was heart broken that Tarik had missed the show. I wanted him so much to be there. I think because I knew ... I knew that if Tarik had just saw me perform then he would have known all the things that I didn't have the strength to say at the time. He would have known how much he meant to me. I was sure of it. But as fate would have it, he never did make that show or any other one after that ... and courage found me much later in life.

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i am learning, day by day, that the people you love the most have a right to help you in your time of need ... who would have thought that anyone would want to be a part of this endless struggle within me

question

WHY DO I ALWAYS INSIST ON LEARNING THE HARD WAY?

question

JUST WHEN I THINK MY HEART IS WITHIN MY REIGN - YOU STEAL IT AGAIN. HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

a lot of people say that i am beautiful, but when you say it somehow i am able to believe it

Happy Valentine's Day

So I'm two days late in posting this Valentine's wish - big deal! There are more important things to discuss, such as, Abhishek Bachan ... and why every East Indian mother adores him? Honestly, my mother is obsessed with the man! At this very moment she is plotting a way for the cosmic universe to bring Abhishek and I together - mantras and everything ...LOL.

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day Everyone! I hope that your day was filled with as much joy and laughter as mine was … and a very special “thank you,” to all of you who not only thought of me today, but think of me always. Your love is greatly appreciated.

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

at the end of the day, i do believe that love is just love...but surely marriage has to be something more than that

question

IT'S NOT FAIR ON ME TO DENY MY INTELLIGENCE BECAUSE YOU FEEL INFERIOR, IS IT?

Polaroid Moments (part four)

Here I am at age four, hanging out with Kulsum Maa. Oh God, I remember, my mom use to buy me these horrible - Princess Diana Like - dresses. They were puffy, frilly, and had some kind of net underneath that use to make me chafe - what a nightmare! I should have been lodging a fomal complaint about about the PDL dresses, but chances are, in this picture, I'm just singing my merry self happy.

question

IF YOU LOVE ME, WHY WON'T YOU FIGHT FOR ME?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

you haven't lost me...you just need to figure out a way to find me

Polaroid Moment (part three)

Here I am at the wise old age of three. Kulsum Maa made this salwar kameez for me. I look like a little snowman!

question

DO YOU THINK LOVE MEANS OVERLOOKING ONE'S MISTAKES OR HELPING ONE OVERCOME THEM?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

the older i get, the more i realize, that everything in life is about timing

Polaroid Moments (part two)

I always get a twinkle in my eye every time I see this picture of moi. Here I am at age two. In a few months, I'm about to be branded by the Scarlet Letter.

You see, I had boyfriend. His name was Jason. He was a year younger than me, very cute, bright future ahead of him, and was obviously extremely intelligent because he rode a tricycle.

One day, Jason and I decided to go the candy store, which was about a block away from where we lived - except that we were headed in the wrong direction! We walked, and walked, and walked, but still, there was no sight of the infamous candy store. Twenty blocks later, I knew that we were lost. Unable to make our way back home, I decided that it was best to keep on walking – in spite of Jason’s incessant wining! Men! They want the candy, but they don’t want to suffer for it, do they?

As luck would have it, we came across a total stranger. We didn't have a clue as to who this person was, but he insisted that we follow him home. Once in his apartment, he offered us peanut butter sandwiches, I of course said no, I mean, if it wasn't caviar, I wasn't having any, but Jason said, "yes"- the trader!

After Jason ate, the nice man called the police. We were picked up, and taken in for questioning. After all, the whole thing was kind of suspect – we could have been pulling a bank job. The policemen decided to let us go. Normally, missing children are taken in by Social Services, but ironically, that is where my mother worked at the time – a detail that I am most proud to have remembered.

So we finally made it home, safe and sound, without any candy, but from this day onwards, it was forever known that, “Yasmin Virani ran away with a boy at the very young age of two.”

What can I say? He promised me the world. What I should’ve asked for was the damn tricycle!

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

you know what it was...he knew me. i'm all about good intentions and he took advantage of that. but that didn't change me, if anything, he's the one that became less of a man in my eyes.

question

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY EXPECT ME TO KNOW THAT I MATTER TO IF YOU REFUSE TO EXPRESS HOW YOU FEEL?

Polaroid Moments (part one)

Here I am at age one, just chillin with the boys, on my birthday. Shanil is to the right of me and Riaz is on the left. I can't believe that my mom reused the Star Wars cups! No wonder why I grew up being such a tomboy!

question

DOESN'T DIALOGUE, AMONGST MANY OTHER THINGS, YIELD FAULTY LOGIC?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

of course i believe in God, but i don't believe in ignorance

Nazmudin Virani

People always ask me why I never talk about my dad. The truth is that I don’t have much to say. I lost my dad at the age of thirteen to depression and prior to that…well…it’s just not so easy for me to remember.

My dad had this incredible spirit when he was younger - a force of nature. He was the type of guy that could make you laugh in a heartbeat and make you fall in love with him even faster. I absolutely adored my father. In fact, I remember telling him, when I was younger, that I loved him more than my mother - something mom still doesn’t exactly appreciate. I think it was all the slurpees and sour candy that he bought me! That’s all it takes to win a girl’s heart ya know. :)

I often look into his eyes now and wonder if he still remembers the man that he once was. Does he remember those moments he spent with me? Does he remember his fiery temper? Does he remember all the fire and passion that he once expressed to my mom? And to be perfectly honest, I see nothing. I see nothing in his eyes, but a vanquished soul.

Every now and then, though, he says something. Every now and then he does something that reminds me of the father he once was to me, and although my love for him is unconditional, every now and then, I am able to love him as I did than.

QUESTION

I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS A SAFE BET, DIDN'T I? BUT YOU REFUSED TO LISTEN. AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A CHANCE ON YOU...WHY SHOULD I?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i try to stay single, believe me i do...but i just function better in a partnership

Vancouver

There is something poetic about Vancouver's beauty. The ocean, the mountains, the endless rain...all of it seems so romantic. Shanil took this photograph.

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i like my pedestal, thank you very much! i work very hard at being worthy of it...

question

IS IT JUST ME OR IS ADAM BRODY PRETTY DAMN CUTE?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

he was like a dog with a bone...yes, i was his master, but he guarded his soul with his life

question

SEEING IS BELIEVING, IS IT NOT? BUT IF ONE'S PERCEPTION IS SO LIMITED, HOW CAN THAT POSSIBLY BE TRUE?