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WHERE WAS YOUR FAITH IN ME WHEN I HAD FAITH IN YOU?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

so it seems that Love loved me all along. it was I who loved myself conditionally.

Water

I finally watched Deepa Mehta's, Water, lastnight, and to be perfectly honest, I am not one to buy into hype, but Water was exceptional! The narrative, the acting, the imagery, the symbolism, everything about the movie was flawless. It's just one of those movies that made me appreciate the time and space that I live in.

At the same time though, I found that I was able to identify with the plight of these women, because there is a realization that that no matter what the circumstance or condition, religion or tradition, being a woman ultimately makes you a subject of sexuality and hence, subjected to all the male orientated dogma that's attached to sexuality.

And of course Lisa Ray looked breathtaking, but it was the little girl, Chuyia, who I was most moved by - how amazing was she!

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THE QUESTION I AM WRESTLING MOST WITH TODAY IS ... WHY?

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE REFUSE TO ASK WHY?

I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT IS THE ROOT OF ALL CONFLICT. IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO PLAY THE VICTIM OF A SITUATION INSTEAD OF TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY, ISN'T IT?

THEREFORE WE JUST ASSUME THAT WE KNOW THE INTENT OF ANOTHER PERSON. BECAUSE IF WE ASK WHY, THE POSSIBILITY OF RESPONSIBILITY ARISES AND WHO WANTS TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THAT?

I AM NOT SAYING THAT "WHY" JUSTIFIES ONE'S BEHAVIOR, FAR FROM IT. I AM JUST SAYING THAT "WHY" GIVES YOU A GREATER PROBABILITY IN KNOWING THE TRUTH OF A MATTER, AS OPPOSED TO ASSUMING THE MATTER TRUE .

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

once you've had a certain amount of experience in relationships, you realize that love isn't about turning a blind eye to your partner's faults. it's about calling them on it and saying, "how can i help you work on this? or how can i make you see where i, or anyone-else for that matter, is coming from?" an open door for communication, to me, that's where true intimacy lies, and that's exactly why i think love is so hard to sustain, because a lot people just aren't ready for that kind of dialogue.

What Would I Say To Myself Not So Long Ago (Age 20)?

And so it begins, the journey ... the constant struggle between who I am and who it is that I want to be. Somebody should have warned me about my twenties, about the endless ambivalence. That's exactly what I would give myself if I could - a kind of cautionary head's up.

So Yasmin, I would advise you of this ... try less to question yourself and more to question the intentions of the people you have around you. You are one of those fortunate people who have been gifted with a wise old soul, hear it. Listen to your inner self because only you know what's truly best for you.

(to be continued ... )

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

you don't love me ... you can't possibly. because love would make you have the conversations that refuse to have. who you love is your own ego.

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HOW CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR MY INFIDILETY WHEN IT WAS YOU WHO CHOSE NOT TO MAKE ME YOUR FIRST PRIORITY?

What Would I Say To Myself After All Of These Years (Age 18)?

When I look at this picture there is only one thought that comes into my mind ... intellectual snob. So incredibly hard I was, on myself, and the people around me. What would I say to this,Yasmin? The question is what wouldn't I? What wouldn't I give to slap her on the head and make her realize how incredibly fortunate she is. What wouldn't I give to make her understand that it's so much easier to love the strengths that you have, instead of hating yourself for the strengths that you don't have. Since you insist on learning the hard way, Yasmin, my advice to you would be to wear the appropriate attire, because the invisible armor that you have on isn't going to cut it, not now, or in the future.

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NO MATTER HOW I HARD I TRY I JUST CAN'T LOVE YOU AS I DID BEFORE. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i don't really have relationships. i make connections.

What Would I Say To Myself After All Of These Years (Age 16)?

There is only one piece of advice that I would give myself at this age and that is to try and not break so many hearts. What goes around, dear Yasmin, will come around when you least expect it. So be gentle with yourself and with those who have invested their feelings in you.

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WHO SAYS THAT LOVE ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN A LIFETIME? I THINK THAT IF YOU ARE A GOOD HUMAN BEING LOVE FINDS YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN. PERHAPS THE QUESTION SHOULD BE ARE YOU WILLING TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE AS VULNERABLE AS YOU ONCE WERE?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

if you want a second chance with me, take responsibility for your first mistake

What Would I Say To Myself After All Of These Years (Age 14)?

Hmm ... there is so much that I would say to myself at this age that I'm not even sure where to begin.

I guess, I would start by saying that I am sorry about the fact that no one fought for your childhood. I am sorry that you grew up without feeling safe or protected. I'm sorry about all the ugly things that you had to be a part of or bear witness too. I'm sorry that you had to move from home to home, school to school, place to place. None of that was your fault. And I know that you know that, but I still think that it's important for you to hear.

You're growing up so fast, Yasmin. And while I know there is a need for that at this time in your life, I wish I could just tell you that you have your whole life to figure yourself out. You have your whole life to wrestle with the questions that you are beginning to ask yourself. So try to enjoy the moment and live your youth.

I know that you don't hear it often, but I think that you are incredibly bright and while I know that you think that you're beautiful, I really wish you would try and believe it. Unfortunately, you are at an age where what you need is nowhere to be found around you, but be brave and listen to your heart. Because even though your perceptions may change with time, your heart will always remain loyal to you.

Finally, the last thing that I would say to you is that I know there is no better feeling in the world right now than to sneak off to a club and dance the night away. But do me a favor, make up an excuse and call your mom when do. She worries herself sick about you!