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SO IT SEEMS THAT YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG ... HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY MAKE A GOOD LOVER WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE A GOOD FRIEND?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

you don't miss me. honestly, you don't. because it was never about me, was it? it always about you, your job, your family, your past, your feelings, never me. never me. you can't possibly miss me because you never even took the time to know me. what you miss is the purpose i served in your life. and yeah, you're sorry. because somewhere inside of you recognizes that you had a good thing that you fucked up. so of course you are sorry. i'd be sorry too. but don't tell me that you miss me, because i don't want to hear it.

The Complete Dream Dictionary

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately and by chance, I picked up this book at a local flea market. Although I haven't had the time to read through all of it, what I have read, I found absolutely fascinating. Check it out if you have some time. You might enjoy it.

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WHATEVER HAPPENED TO COURTSHIP? YOU KNOW, THE DAYS WHEN MEN ACTUALLY TOOK WOMEN OUT ON A DATES, BOUGHT FLOWERS, WERE SATISFIED WITH A KISS ON THE CHEEK? WHEN DID CHIVALRY BECOME SO UNCOOL? RELATIONSHIPS NOW ARE LIKE INSTANT COFFEE. YOU ADD WATER, AND HOPE THAT YOU DON'T GET HERPES.

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

it's not that i didn't care about you. you're wrong. the voices you are listening to don't know me. you know what it was? there were just one too many faces to you. i mean, yes, all of us are always evolving and of course we are all different with different people, but there are those characteristics about us that must remain. there are those truths that make us who are in any given relationship. and i realized that i saw through you. i am not sure how or why, but i just did. somehow i figured out what you have yet to learn about yourself. that is why i left. because i wanted to give you time and space to figure out who you really are and i needed time and space to figure out what i truly want.

Happy Birthday Zohra!

Happy Birthday, Zohra! Thought I forgot this year, didn't ya? I am trying to change, believe me, I am trying! :)

I even called Ak's cell, but some strange man picked up and started flirting with me, then I called back again, and got "Shawn's voicemail." I hope you know a Shawn because if you don't, well, he knows it's your birthday! Lol ...

Hmmm, what to say ... after all of these years. Well Zohra, you and I have seen each other through much of our ever changing selves. I couldn't have asked for a better friend to share this crazy journey with. I am so proud of you for getting into university, for continuing with Bio Chem, even though I know things are tough on all fronts.

You know I love you, but what you don't know is how much I admire you. How much I respect you for how you take care of your family, how you take care of Ak. I wish that when I was in T.O. we could have had the opportunity to spend more time together, but in a way, the lack of moments make me appreciate them all the more.

I wanted to dedicate a page on my blog to you, since you always tell me how much you love it. ;) Thank you, for all of your love, for all of your support, for your friendship, for making me laugh the way you do, for the beautiful picture you drew of me in ninth grade, yes, I still have it, for the endless men conversations (I do know how to choose them don't I?), and for your beautiful smile that always makes me feel like I am never alone in this world.


Happy Birthday!

You are in my thoughts always ...

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SO, I CALLED. I AM NOT SURE WHY. IN FACT I HAVE NO IDEA WHY, ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL OF THESE MONTHS, ESPECIALLY SINCE I AM RIDICULOUSLY BUSY AT THE MOMENT. I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, IT WASN'T THAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE PAST OR THE FUTURE. I DIDN'T WANT TO ARGUE WITH HIM. I DIDN'T WANT TO BLAME HIM, THERE WAS REALLY NO PURPOSE TO THE PHONE CALL AT ALL. I JUST ... I JUST ... MISSED HIS VOICE ... YOU KNOW? I GUESS, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF HE WAS OKAY. DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME PATHETIC?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

it actually doesn't bother me when people talk shit about me ... not at all. i know who i am. i know what i represent. what bothers me is when the people i care about believe the crap that's said about me, because i feel that they should know better. in a way though, that's kind of how i decide who i let in and who i ask to leave my heart.

The L Word

I absolutely adore this show. If you haven't seen season one of The L Word yet, go rent it now! It's brilliantly written, beautiful music, the acting is outstanding, and what an incredible celebration of women. I am definately coming back as a lesbian in my next life! Women are just so much more interesting than men, aren't we?

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HOW CAN I TRUST YOU WHEN I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR YOURSELF?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

it's not that you broke my heart, believe me it's not ... that, i'm use too ... it's that you used my heart to your own advantage ... that's what has turned you into such a monster in my eyes

A Million Little Pieces

I just finished reading, A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. It's been a long time since I have read something as gripping and as honest as this novel. I just couldn't put it down. If you have ever experienced a sense of self - loathing, this is the book to read.