question

FORGET THE BALLGAME, WILL YOU TAKE ME TO THE THEATRE?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

my top ten - backward - david letterman list of everything i love about you ...

1. i love the fact you always bring me flowers everytime i see you, eventhough i tell you not to ...
2. i love the fact you always want to know what i am thinking, eventhough most of the time it's "meow ... meow ... meow ... meow ..."need i go on?
3. i love the fact that you are going to be a lawyer very soon. although i do worry that if we get married and divorced, you will take me for everything i have ... which now when i come to think of it, is absolutely fine, because i don't really have anything to begin with :)
4. i love the fact that you get upset when i can't see you because of work, eventhough i consistently tell you that i need my personal space ... see women aren't so complicated!
5. i love the fact that you cook and are so domesticated ... actually it's pretty damn sexy!
6. i love the fact that you talk to me until three in the morning about anything and everything, from politics to religion, from culture to art. so let me get this straight, do you or do you not think condoleezza rice is secretly a natural blonde?
7. i love the fact that you doube space your e-mails just to make it seem that you have a written me a lengthy e-mail, when in actual fact it's two paragraghs describing your socks!
8. i love the fact you have big, strong arms, to keep me safe in, eventhough i know you are secretly afraid of chiwawas ... admit it!
9. i love the fact that you never think before you speak because you feel so bad when you hurt my feelings and that sorry you say, sounds a bit like Diamond after she has crash landed into Rushdie's head
10. i love the fact that you think of me first ... all the time ... everytime ... whether we are alone or together

i do notice you ... i notice all of you ... especially in those few fleeting moments when we are actually in the same city.

question

WHERE EXACTLY DOES ALL OF THAT HUBRIS COME FROM?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

okay, here is the thing, God ... i know that we haven't been on the best of terms lately. and i don't pretend to have something of importance to say to you. but i am going to ask you anyway ... take care of him for me. keep him safe. i know that he is not a part of my life anymore and i finally get that is the way it should be. i'm not asking for happiness. i'm not asking you to give him back ... but if you could give me some kind of peace of mind ... if you could make sure that the world will be kind to him ... if you could promise me that ... then maybe i can let him go. maybe i can move on. maybe i can figure out how to be whole again instead of diverting my attention.

question

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK THAT THE TRUTH IS VERY HARD TO COME BY IN THIS WORLD. SO WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO GIVES IT TO YOU, EXACTLY AS IT IS, WITHOUT ANY BULLSHIT, YOU'D BETTER APPRECIATE THEM. YOU HAD BETTER HOLD ON TO THEM FOR DEAR LIFE. BECAUSE YEAH, YOUR PRIDE MAY BE HARD TO SWALLOW. IT WOULD BE HARD FOR ANYONE TO SWALLOW THEIR PRIDE, NOT ONLY YOU. BUT PERSONALLY ... I THINK IT'S A LOT HARDER TO SWALLOW REGRET, DON'T YA THINK?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i can see how people think i run away from things ... but that's not who i am. i've always ran towards something, never away from it. i can see how people think i have a flare for the dramatic, but to be perfectly honest, i've just had the good fortune of living a pretty extraordinary life. i can see how you think i am scared of commitment, but could it be that you just haven't taken the time to learn what i am committed about? because if you ask me ... all i've ever known is commitment.

Radha Aur Krishna

An immortal love ...

question

OF COURSE I GET INSECURE. I DO. BUT YOU ARE RIGHT, I DON'T GET INSECURE ABOUT WHAT MOST WOMEN GET INSECURE ABOUT. I AM NOT SURE WHY THAT IS. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I GREW UP IN A HOUSE FULL OF MEN. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I STUDIED PHILOSOPHY AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I AM, AFTER ALL, A UNIVERSITY DROPOUT. MAYBE ... MAYBE ... MAYBE ...

I DO GET INSECURE. SOMETIMES I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I WONDER WHO I AM? WHO, I REALLY AM. SO MUCH OF WHO WE THINK WE ARE IS BASED ON OTHER PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION OF US. I WONDER WHO IS THIS PERSON? HOW COME I HAVE NEVER MET HER BEFORE AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK AT ME AS THOUGH SHE KNOWS ME?

I DO GET INSECURE ... ALL THE TIME. I WORRY ABOUT MY LOFTY IDEALS. I WORRY THAT SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO WAKE UP AND FIND THAT THEY HAVE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE YOUNGER, PERHAPS MORE IMPRESSIONABLE. I WORRY THAT SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING THAT I BELIEVED IN WAS ABSOLUTELY WRONG, THAT MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE WAS NEGOTIABLE ... THAT I NEVER REALLY MATTERED TO ANYTHING OR TO ANYONE.

I DO GET INSECURE. BUT YOU ARE RIGHT, I DON'T WORRY ABOUT WRINKLES OR CELLULITE, OR WHETHER OR NOT YOU MIGHT CHEAT ON ME IN TEN YEARS TIME. DOES THAT MAKE ME LESS OF A WOMAN IN YOUR EYES?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i do believe in God. absolutley. in fact, i have a finatic belief in karma at the moment. honestly, people make fun of me. i am not sure how age does it, but i find the older i get, the more life humbles me. i have spent this past year making ammends. now i am in the process of reasoning with fruit flies.

Russell Peters

I did have the good fortune of meeting Russell Peters once and I thought what a funny, funny, man. It's a pity about his personality though. How anyone can justify that kind of arrogance is beyond me.

question

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME !?! YOU'RE CRAZY. I AM THE ONE WHO IS NOT WORTHY OF YOU.

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

why you? why not? why me? why anyone for that matter? i guess ... because of who you are. because there is nothing cowardly about you. because you are a man of your word. because you let nothing come between us. because you are so nice to those darn telemarketers! :)

Friends With Money

So I finally went to see Friends With Money and it was such a good movie. Very well written, and yes, Jennifer Anniston's was amazing, in fact, all of the performances were very convincing. But I have to say that I am completely enamored with Francis McDonald at the moment. She's just does the existential character so well and with such great comic timing.

question

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT ... YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW, TO COME AND LIVE WITH YOU ON YOUR 30 THOUSAND DOLLAR PAYCHECK? SWEETHEART, HAVE YOU SEEN MY WARDROBE? AND MY SHOES, YOU WANT TO PUT THEM WHERE !?! OKAY, THAT'S JUST BLASPHEMY. YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS IS EXACTLY HOW PEOPLE BECOME CO - DEPENDANT, DON'T YOU? AND THAT I WOULD LOSE ALL SENSE OF MY AUTONOMY? YOU DO REALIZE THAT THESE ARE THE TWO THINGS WHICH I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER COMPROMISE AGAIN, DON'T YOU?

THAT BEING SAID, MY ANSWER IS ... YES. WHO NEEDS A GAZILLION PAIRS OF SHOES ANYWAY? I WOULD LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX WITH YOU, AS LONG AS YOU PROMISE TO KEEP ME HAPPY. BUT YOU NEED TO GIVE ME TIME AND YOU NEED TO RESPECT MY SPACE. YOU NEED TO TRUST ME. AND NONE OF THIS, "YAS, I TRUST YOU, I JUST DON'T TRUST THE WORLD." THAT WON'T DO ANYMORE. HAVE FAITH IN ME. I AM PUTTING MY WHOLE LIFE IN YOUR HANDS, BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH THAT YOU WON'T HURT ME, THAT YOU WON'T HARM ME. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU. HONOR ME, BY HAVING FAITH IN ME. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME ENOUGH TO DO THAT?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

i don't really think hate is the opposite of love. because you need to love someone to truly hate them. no, i think selfishness is the opposite of love. that's why i believe that he never loved me. i mean, of course he did things for me. i do a billion things for people i hardly know, but that doesn't mean i am in love with all of them. he was a good person, i never once said that he wasn't. and he had many great qualities, which is why i stayed in the relationship for so long. you know what it was? objectively speaking, i think it was just our concept of love that differed. to me, love is so much more than random acts of kindness, but it took me a long time to figure that out about myself. proabably because everyone is so desperate for a little kindness, aren't they? and what looks like love, tastes like love, feels like love, is actually another person's compassion. deceptively similar, but not quite the same.

question

ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT THAT I HAD DISSAPOINTED YOU. NOW I REALIZE IT WAS YOU WHO DISSAPOINTED ME. WHO KNEW?

MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS

if i wanted a masters in philosophy, i would have stayed at mcgill. if i wanted to get married, have a house, and 3.5 children, to begin with, i would have never have left royal bank. if i wanted to travel the world, i would have worked my way up at westjet. what i wanted was you. i know people say that, but i meant it. and now, after all of these years, just like that, i'm not so sure anymore. all of sudden everything seems so fucking convoluted. for the first time in my entire life, i'm scared. i just don't think that i would survive if i lost yet another thing that i loved so much.

Red Cross

Okay, so I work for the Red Cross, but still, they are an amazing organization! Did you know that their administrative costs are only between 5 - 15 % ? So next time you decide to give a donation to your local charity, please visit www.redcross.ca